If You Look Into The Night
by behind the plate
Summary: What really happened after the monumental battle between Spike and Vicious? Spike goes off to find himself, to find out if he can really live with out his angel. Please review
1. Default Chapter

If You Look Into the Night…

_As the stars dot the sky_

_As the ebony night stretches forever_

_As I stand here_

_I am alone_

The explosion of the gun slowly died away, and the silver-haired devil collapsed to the ground, never to move again.  Dead as a doornail.  He had gotten his revenge.  Turning slowly, he made his way down the broken stairs.  The lights of the building played upon his broken, staggering form like moths.  Raising his right hand slowly, he looked at the stunned remains of the Syndicate and mouthed a single word

"Bang…"

*     *     *

Julia?

"I'm here for you, my love."

But, you…you died…

"Yes, my love."

Then, am I dead?

"No, my love."

But, I want to be.  With out you…I'm…

"You must wake, my love."

No…I don't want to.  I want to stay with you.

"But you must, my love.  It's not your time yet.

But…

"Awake, my love…"

No…

"Awake!"

*     *     *


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One: The Blood Flowed Deep…

I tasted something in the corner of my mouth.  Salty? No…not salty…nor was it the metallic taste of blood.  Water?  Why the hell was there water in my mouth?  My brain screamed the answer:

"Well, if you opened your eyes, dumbass, maybe you would figure it out!"

So, I opened my eyes.  It was raining, softly.  Almost a gentle mist, a mist that washed away the blood and death that over come the scene.  Where the hell am I again?  Oh right…Tharsis…on top of the Syndicate tower.  Vicious!  Oh wait…he's dead.  Right…it was all coming back to him now.  The dash up the tower…the death he left behind…like a boat through water, leaving a wake behind him.  The death of Shin, dying to save his life.  The battle, the colossal clash between titans.  The bullet through one's heart, the slash to the other's abdomen.  The staggering down the stairs…then…nothingness.  

How the hell am I still alive?  I struggled to sit up, pain coursing through my veins.  Dried blood flaked off my body.  I looked down to examine the wound.  It was pretty nasty.  It had crusted over with dried blood.  It must have just missed my main arteries and my stomach.  Lucky…I guess.  

Fought myself to stand up.  Once again, pain spread through out my entire body, forcing me to gasp.  I looked up.  The sky was a dreary grey.  The day must have just started.  I found my way down the deserted tower.  Vicious's followers must have fled after learning of his death. After exiting the building, I turned down the nearly vacant avenue, toward my ship.  I probably needed medical attention, but I didn't care.  I felt like I wanted to die.  Life didn't matter too me anymore.

But, I'm not one to give up, so…let's see…where could I go?  What could I do?  Could I really start a new life after my angel's death?


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

I struggled to climb into my ship.  Ah…I could always feel at home in my baby.  Old as she was, I could still rely on her, and, unlike women, she didn't leave me.  I started her up, and took off, away from the city.  I just needed to get the hell out.  Out of what, or where, I didn't know.  I just knew I needed to get away.

I was so deep in thought about where the hell to go to, that I didn't notice a small ship coming towards me.  I looked up just in time to see the frightened face of the pilot before I turned hard to the right.  My wing scraped the other ship's fuselage.  I prayed against an explosion, hoping that I wouldn't break through the skin of the air craft.  Luckily, no such explosion occurred.

I let out a lung-bursting breath, and kept on going.  A few minutes later, I was hit with a mental brick with a note attached.  That was Faye!  On instinct, I brought my ship around, then thought better of it.  Did I really want to return to that way of life?  I mean, for all intents and purposes, I was dead, no longer alive.  I don't know if it was official yet, but the Bebop crew must think I'm dead, right?  Well, thought is more the word.  I mean, even Faye isn't _that_ oblivious that she wouldn't notice it was me that almost hit her.

Almost as if on cue, I got a call from her.

"Oh my god! You're alive!"

"Captain Obvious, huh?"

"Screw you, Spike," she smiled.  She was happy to see me, I guess.  I didn't know why.  I mean, we were always fighting.  I guess it was a love-hate relationship.  I didn't think I meant that much to her, so I didn't see what the big deal was.

"When, where, and who's bringing the condoms?"

"Ugh, pig."

"Whore."

"Ass."

"Bitch."

'Ok, ok!  I get it. You like insulting me.  So, anyway, what happened to you?  I was so worried…"

"You were worried?"

I caught her.  She must have let that slip.

"I mean…we…Jet…Jet and I were worried about you.  I mean, he's been sulking about…he doesn't know what to do with himself, ya know?  I just came to find you to get him offa his ass and back to the world."  She was trying to cover it up.  It was easy to see, but I wasn't really in the mood to press the issue, so I didn't say anything.  I didn't need to though, because, as usual, she continued.

"So, what happened?  Is Vicious…?"

"Dead."

"And the Syndicate?"

"I don't really know, but I'm going to assume that they dispersed.  We probably won't have to wait long, though.  A new leader will emerge and the whole spiel will start again."

"I guess you're right.  There'll always be some one else.  So, you're headin back to the Bebop, right?  Wanna grab a bite on the way?"

Geez…how do I break this too her.  She hasn't figured out that I'm not going back.  I didn't know how to tell her.  Wait…I'm me. I don't care what she thinks.  She's left us so many times, why can't I have a turn.  Dammit, it's my time.  I just had to tell her.  Unfortunately, I couldn't get a word in because she never shut the hell up once she started.

"By the way, Spike," she was saying "You're legally dead.  They have your obituary all over."

"Really?" I filed that away in my brain.  That could be just a tad useful.  But, now it was time to shatter what ever her dreams were, and tell her.

"I'm not goin back."

"Jet made this food last night and…what?"

"I'm not goin back."

"Back to the Syndicate?  Of course you're not.  Why the hell would you?"

"No, Faye, I'm not going back to the Bebop."

Silence filled the cockpit.  It stretched forever.

"What do you mean you're not going back?"

"It's my turn to lead my own life, to go and figure out if I can live without her."

"Of course you can live without her, you ass!" She was getting upset.  Crap.  If only I hadn't almost hit her ship, I wouldn't have had to deal with this.  I just would have gotten the 'The hell outta Dodge' and been free.  Now this bullshit.

"I mean, you defeated Vicious! You can live in peace, Spike, with us!  We are all you have left, Spike.  We are all any of us have left!  You can't just walk out on us!  We need you! I need you, Spike!"

"God damn it, Faye!  It's my life!  I can do what ever the fuck I want.  You don't need me!  Fuck it!  I don't need to explain myself to you.  You never explained it to us when you left.  I'm outta here!"  And with that, I put on my afterburners and left her in my proverbial dust.  As my ears rang from the sonic boom of my departure, I didn't notice the words until much later.  The barely imperceptible last words that Faye spoke too me before I shut off the radio:

"I need you, Spike…because I love you."


End file.
